Putrid Dragons

Can someone tell me why the putrid team I support keep losing players, and game after game week after week. They dont put in on the field, and are dropping like flies off Owen Craigies dirty asshole. Is the water too strong for them out there. Do they hate messing up their pretty faces. Dont they like getting dirty. FUCK I HATE MY TEAM SOMETIMES.
Could be worse though, I COULD GO FOR PENRITH.

Australian Federal Police!

"Heavily A-Boozed"....

Lomu linked to Titans

Former All Blacks winger Jonah Lomu is reportedly being courted by the Gold Coast Titans NRL club.
Lomu will meet with the Titans management tomorrow to discuss a possible code switch according to a Gold Coast newspaper.
If Lomu, 31, passes a medical assessment and accepts a Titans contract he will be the second high-profile rugby signing for the new NRL franchise following Wallaby Mat Rogers's decision to join the club from 2008.
Lomu, with 73 All Blacks caps and two World Cup appearances, was sidelined after the 1999 World Cup when a debilitating kidney disease threatened to end his career.
A 2004 transplant allowed Lomu to return to the football field and despite a comeback with North Harbour in the provincial competition, and a year in Wales, Lomu has been unable to attract Super 14 interest ending his dream of a return for the All Blacks.
"I'd be lying if I said I'm not disappointed about not getting a Super 14 contract," Lomu said earlier this month.
"But I have had a go. I would have been more disappointed if I didn't have a go.
"I don't feel I have let anyone down. I've given it my all. It's been a failure in the sense I didn't make the All Blacks (for the 2007 Rugby World Cup) but I certainly didn't fail myself.
"I dared to dream. Who can criticise me for that?"
He has been weighing up his options, although there has been no hint that he was interested in pursuing a career in rugby league.
His wife and manager, Fiona, this month said Lomu would consider prolonging his career in Australia's new national rugby union competition next year.
"We certainly wouldn't turn away any conversations with regards to playing opportunities," Fiona Lomu said.
"I guess it's not a common move for New Zealand players but ... the competition's changed a lot both here and in Australia and there are new opportunities that could be something that we would look at."
She stressed money was not motivating Lomu to stay active in competitive sport.
"Money's never been the primary driver for him ever in his career so it's certainly not how we approach decision-making."
Joining the Titans in the NRL could kick-start ambitions to become a dual international.
AAP/NZPA

Just another Wednesday.....

at the clubhouse after training

2 weeks.....

til 'The Carnage in Canberra'

Still a couple of spots available for late starters.

Contact Roscoe for details

Poker night Saturday

Lads-
probably not much chance of seeing this on Saturday night at the clubhouse but still, it should be a great night- ridiculous amounts of reckless gambling and cansumption took place last time and a top night was had by all so get there on Saturday!!!

Employee of the Month

As this picture depicts, Tupperware Sales are going through the roof for young Deevs. So much so, he can leisurely suck back on an ice cold can of VB, whilst still performing his Saturday morning duties admirably.

Now this is the committment most organisations would kill for. An employee who still has the time to make sales in his own spare time of cansumption on Saturdays.

If ever in need of some extra motivation whilst working on that neverending Pentski File on a tough Monday morning, always revert back to this Blog.

Toughest Gig in World Rugby

Youve got to feel for this coach. Not only is he stuck in a thankless job attempting to teach the Fijians how to play rugby at the elite level, but the impossible task of trying to contain these cocos on a gutfull of swill following a victory away from home:


FIJI'S INDISCIPLINE CONTINUES Fijian coach Wayne Pivac is pulling his hair out, or at least rapidly losing it, after the latest episode of Fijian player indiscipline.
Five of the Fijian Pacific Five Nations squad that defeated Japan in Osaka last Saturday were suspended on Tuesday for drunk and disorderly behaviour after an alcohol fuelled brawl broke out between two of the group. Wing Sekove Leawere, hooker Joeli Lotawa, halfback Emosi Vucago, Maleli Kunavore and flanker Semisi Naevo allegedly drank excessively in the hotel room following the 29-15 win over Japan.
All five have been dropped from the team to play Australia A on July 14 and 21 in Adelaide and Melbourne respectively. Pivac described the player behaviour as "disgraceful, sad and unacceptable." This incident follows closely on the heels of star winger Rupeni Caucaunibuca's failure to front last week for the flight to Japan.

Once a wog c*nt sport......

ALWAYS A F*CKING WOG C*NT SPORT!!!!

Like the rest of this predominantly rugby, league, afl and cricket orientated country, I got sucked into the hype and propaganda surrounding the 'socceroos' (which is still a laughing stock of a name in every country but ours) melodrama of the World Cup 2006. Stupid me, yes!

Stupid me for allowing myself to not only a) watch and believe that the referees would surely improve as the tournament went on and believe Australia were a chance at gaining a spot in the quarter finals and what would have ended up as a certain semi final match after beating the putrid Ukraine, but b) forced myself to get up each and every game in the middle of the f#cking night to watch this stupendous act of ballet on grass.

I am a stupid, stupid individual and so the bloody hell are the rest of you for jumping on the bandwagon, only to be yet again, disappointed by this farce of a debacle they call 'football'.

Now back to the real stuff.......Gaz, Gowey, the Wallabies and the rest of the 'sane' world......

Life changing website

Gents, there is a website that is the greatest non-porn website, and definitely the best time waster ever. some of you may have seen it, but if not you have to check out youtube.com- i just spent about an hour watching ridiculous film clips such as all of the terry tate clips, the best 10 NBA fights ever, if its ridiculous and its on film, its on youtube. Check it out.

Twat of the century

Fuck Kalac. (Im not even going to try to guess the spelling of his ridiculous first name) This twat of the century has been repeatedly bitching in the media about why he should be goalis instead of Schwarzer and then he turns in arguably the biggest fuck up in Australian sporting history, to be miraculously bailed out by Kewell. What the fuck was Hiddink thinking? Kalac is a germ and should be stamped with the Michael Slater memorial "never to play for Austraila ever again under any circumstances" stamp

Gotta have teeth baby!!

Wanted......

One dentist in fucking Brazil! An absolute fortune of gold awaits any budding tooth surgeon willing to chance his luck with a trip across the Pacific Ocean. What is it with this country and its lack of dental hygiene??! This bunch of Amazonians put the Pommy Geezers to shame with their chops. It seems the more ridiculous the teeth, the more gifted the goofy looking South American soccer player is.

If Australia are desperate to progress further in this World Cup, then they better start ripping those pearly whites out with customary latin American hand pliers.


Or maybe just try and find a half decent referee that won't pay these wimps penalties everytime an "aggressive" Aussie player descends within a 5 metre radius of these opposing 'sportsmen'. Thank God this ludicrous tournament of the most talented ballerinas only comes around every 4 years!!! Not fucking long enough as far as I'm concerned....

Get this grub out of the nightclubs......

and into a sky blue jumper for Origin 3 in Melbourne next month. As we all knew, Brett Fucking Finch was always going to come crashing back down to Earth with an almighty THUD after his fluke performance in origin 1. Now that he has come through with what most expected last night, it's time for some sanity to prevail, and choose an in form, talented halfback. Before you scoff and ask "Is Craig Gower in form???" I say when compared to Finch, an unfit, under prepared Gower is still a more viable option than this over rated Roosters jerbel.

As for Braith Anasta...................FFS!!!!!!!!

If only Preston Campbell could tackle!

New Wine on the Market - Deevs' Cab Sav

Another rugby function, and another ridiculous blowout for our recently retired superhero Greg 'Deevs' Devine. Following the infamous 12 bottles of wine scull on the Chicken Wire Table of 2001's sporting luncheon courtesy of the thieving hands of Rockape Williams, and the consequent 'wandering' off into the night performance of Deevs well before sunset on that fateful July afternoon afterwards at the Lappo, Saturday's 50th Anniversary Ball at Rosehill saw a repeat performance from Deevs as this picture depicts. This last bottle of 'Deevs' Cab Sav' sent him into a world of semi-consciousness which again saw young Gregory take another 'wander', this time with a little help of the security guards of PJ O'Gallaghers, into the Parramatta night and onto a train for a loooooong solo mission trip back to the mountains.

Warning - This wine may make consumers vulnerable to lonely strolls into the unknown, long slumbers in random front yards when attempting to find one's way home, and an uncanny ability to morph into 'Gaz' yelling uncontrollably "Fire Up C*nts" at the top of one's lungs. This drink cannot be drank in moderation!!!

Australia's first President?

Sure, he's only a soccer player, but that had to rank as one of the top few sporting performances ever to overcome not only 11 cheating Japanese but also a clearly blind and corrupt referee who needs an appointment with Bob Fulton's old cement truck. I mean, who scores two fucking goals in ten minutes in your countrys first world cup appearance in 32 years, when your team is down 1-0 to a bunch of cheats, and theres only about 15 minutes to go? Clearly ranks with Steve Waugh's world cup performance and Bernie Larkhams Field Goal against the kaffir-lovers.

The Chicken Wire is Back!!

Yep, that's right. This Saturday's 50th Anniversary Dinner at Rosehill will see the return of the infamous 'Chicken Wire Table' as per previous year's luncheons. Past members to fall victim to the table include the likes of Dougy Walters, Dale Lewis and Fatty Vautin. Who will be next to feel the wrath of a heavily fuelled up bunch of miscreants????

PDC Vol 5

The new PDC disc is now in circulation. Same deal as before, copy it and pass it on. If you've stil got any discs in your grubby, sticky hands, wash and return them. Anyone who hasn't seen them or is missing any let me know.

Deeevine Retires!!!

News has this week broken out that the once barnstorming winger, then 1st Grade front rower, then wing-three quarter AGAIN, has formally retired from subbies rugby to concentrate on his budding tupperware sales career. Many in the club will be shocked by this news, but those poor unsuspecting souls in the local neighbourhood will be even more shocked to wake up to the sight of a rugby playing tupperware salesman on their doorstep bright and early Saturday mornings in a dress!! God help us all!!!!

Go Green!

Here's a little taster to whet the appetite for the hopeful Mundine slaughter at the SFS tonight. Maybe this will be the pre fight entertainment that will go for 45 fucking minutes instead of his bullshit didjeridoo crud that he has used in the past which will see the fight start in 2009 sometime. Fucking pre fight coon entertainment hype!!!! Just get it on cunts!!!

Caxton Spew-a-thon

Due to weight restrictions for the flight home, our intrepid adventurers decided lighten their load by involuntarily expelling a full weekends worth of piss during the trip to the airport. Unfortunately for them the "PDC Drunken News" crew was on hand to document this momentus occasion.

Caxton Aftermath

Well, it's been 2 weeks since the 'Event of the Year' and my brain has slowly worked its way back from Brisbane, to its rightful home in the empty space that is my head. In what was billed as "A day bigger than ANZAC Day", those in attendance had to have their doubts..... ANZAC Day is massive...... 'Crack Yourself at Caxton Day' is BIGGER! What an EVENT! Here are just some of the highlights/lowlights of one of the most tumultuous tours in modern history. Pictures always tell a thousand words:

The World Cup is coming- the rules are as follows...

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...
LIST OF RULES
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am (German time), unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this we all go back to the NRL, Rugby tests start, etc. Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World

Thunderbirds are Go!

Following the monumental events of Christmas yesterday and the subsequent tsunami of fuel that goes with it, The Thunderbirds are backing up for one of the most ridiculous tours in modern history this weekend with the 'Crack Yourself at Caxton' tour of 2006. Here we can see the line up for the tour awaiting departure at Mascot Airport with a couple of young airhostesses, Left to right: Tony Abboud, 'Hostess', Skim Milk (Milky's Brother), Ross (Virgil), Smitty (aged 62), 'Hostess'(conveniently located alongside Smitty on the couch), Napalm, Smothy (Not Hilly as some would believe by observing this pic!), MOC479, and an ever grumpy Nelso. Predicted funeral dates are Tuesday 2nd May at 2pm at St Finbars Church. RIP 'Caxton Crew' 1979-2006....

Have you seen me?

MISSING

Have you seen me?

Name: Liver

Age: Older than it should be

Any information as to the whereabouts of my liver would be greatly appreciated. it was last seen receiving the punishment of a lifetime at the Lappo on ANZAC day. I am very worried for its safety as it has run away before, I dont think it could have gone far as its overall condition would best be described as poor, due to years of abuse. There is a chance i bet it on tails, but this is uncertain as my brain decided to go on holiday sometime shortly after sunrise. Any help would be great as i plan to give it another good flogging this coming weekend.

200???!!!!

In the words of Chopper Read regarding the Year 2000 in the extras to his self titled film:

"200???? 2 bloody hundered???!!! You're fucking kidding me aren't you? You're telling me, we're sitting here on a farm, surrounded by chooks, and Jason Gillespie scored 200 runs in a fucking test match. Ohhhh I can't fucking believe this one!!!!"

Yep, unbelievable. I promised you that the last post would be my last spray on the cricket this year, but then Gillespie goes and gets a ridiculous 200 runs in a test match. Such a feat regardless of the opposition cannot go unheralded.

Team drinking sessions are going to be painful now that only Hayden, Ponting and Langer are the only ones in the Australian side with higher best totals.

Keep trying for that century Warney you poor bastard!!!

PDC Vol 4

Gentlemen, PDC Vol 4 is now in circulation, plus a bonus disc of street fights has also been released. The usual rules apply - which means all of you that still have discs in your possession, you have had ample time to copy them and its time to hand them on. If there are any problems please refer to the PDC Material Rules. Once you have checked the rules you will no doubt realise that you are in the wrong and will immeadiately pass the fucking disc on. Thank You

NEEDS to be glassed!!

Well well well, guess who failed AGAIN to show up to the party when the pressure was on? Yep, you guessed it, Damien Fucking Martyn. This gimp continues to cling to his Test spot despite his trademark 'missing in action' trick when playing in a) a match that is still alive, and/or b) in an innings of any importance. And before his fans come out and whinge "But he's got an average of 48", my response is a quick single glass to your face. The only reason his average is at the amazing 48 point something is due to his 'skill' in saving his sorry arse from the sack with meaningless hunderds in dead rubbers. Example number one of his obvious talent in choking in pressure situations, 1994, 10 runs to win the first series against South Africa since their re-introduction to Test cricket and with the tail crumbling around him, guess who plays the worst, most gutless shot in test history to leave poor old Glenn McGrath to look the royal goose in trying to salvage a now impossible win. Examples 2-15 are too far fetched for me to fit into this single segment. Example 16, the Ashes debacle. This cunt not only perfomed dismally, but he didn't even attempt to look like he cared about the situation. If you don't care, fuck off! I know Brad Hodge will gladly take his rightful spot back in the Test side with a MUCH better and more realistic average of 58 from just 4 tests. So, following possibly the biggest and most embarrassing debacle in Australian sporting history (following the oneday loss to Bangla last year, which of course you were heavily involved in Martyn!) evolving before our very eyes currently on the sub continent, its time to again pull out the 5 glasses you copped immediately after the Ashes, and finish the job on your freakingly disturbing face once and for all. Cling cling!!!!!

But before Xmas...the return to ENDOR

As PAWD has rightly pointed out, I have been a non-performer when it comes to supporting higher grades and sinking slops at the office. However, with school holidays approaching my leave passes increase- so I propose a RETURN to ENDOR following the Chatswood games on the 22nd, the perfect lead up to Christmas day. It's time to sort out those bastard Ewoks........

2 weeks til Xmas!

Fire up c*nts!!!

Response of the mighty

Yes it is true that Saints are putrid at the moment, and when the chips are down they go looking for mommy. It can also be said that there is very little heart in the Dragons outfit at the moment. At least their fans turn up to watch their 1st grade side run around(even though they may leave forty minutes later.) Which brings me to the matter of 1 very soft even heartless human being in Deeeeeeeeeeeevine who couldnt even stay around and watch his supposed club play the top 2 grades. You have travelled 1 hour through putrid traffic to get there for 1 hour then go. POOR FORM. Next thing you will get a run on for the Saints

Ladies Beware!!

Not only is this the biggest punter in living history, he is also possibly the biggest predator in the district, when immediately after rugby on Saturday at the ripe old time of 5pm, a fully sober and very toey Sonny Bill kitted up in shirt and tie gabberdeen, to prey upon any unsuspecting and slightly vulnerable ladies at Rydges across the road from Rosehill Gardens. Gentlemen, lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, lock up the back door and run for your life....... who knows where and when this shark will be circling next???

Great call from PAWD

The scene- Petersham Oval
The time- App.2.10 PM, Saturday
The question- "Hey Dixon, how many are your boyfriends gunna get smashed by tonight?"
The prognostication- "They won't smash them- they are always close games with the Knights"
The result- a 54-6 DRUBBING!!!!!!

(PS-I cant BELIEVE I picked those spastics for the comp- I will now go and stand in oncoming traffic)

Such the Grub

Finally......... this germ has reared his ugly head and showed his true colours in public in his attempt to stomp Tigers prop John Skandalis' head off last weekend. Not only did he near succeed in his quest to behead his opponent on Leichaardt Oval in front of many a prying eye and a television camera, but he then ran like a fairy as Skandalis chased Slater halfway across the field, hoping to dislodge this flea's head similar to Makaya Ntini's effort against Justin Langer a few hours earlier in South Africa. Slater and his QC pitifully tried defending his case, however the NRL understandably had other ideas. Enjoy the 7 weeks off, freezing in the cold Melbourne winter weather, you iritating little piece of vermin, who is still incidentally waiting for his balls to drop and voice to finally break at the ripe old age of 23! Good riddance jerk!!