Thunderbirds are Go!

Following the monumental events of Christmas yesterday and the subsequent tsunami of fuel that goes with it, The Thunderbirds are backing up for one of the most ridiculous tours in modern history this weekend with the 'Crack Yourself at Caxton' tour of 2006. Here we can see the line up for the tour awaiting departure at Mascot Airport with a couple of young airhostesses, Left to right: Tony Abboud, 'Hostess', Skim Milk (Milky's Brother), Ross (Virgil), Smitty (aged 62), 'Hostess'(conveniently located alongside Smitty on the couch), Napalm, Smothy (Not Hilly as some would believe by observing this pic!), MOC479, and an ever grumpy Nelso. Predicted funeral dates are Tuesday 2nd May at 2pm at St Finbars Church. RIP 'Caxton Crew' 1979-2006....

Have you seen me?

MISSING

Have you seen me?

Name: Liver

Age: Older than it should be

Any information as to the whereabouts of my liver would be greatly appreciated. it was last seen receiving the punishment of a lifetime at the Lappo on ANZAC day. I am very worried for its safety as it has run away before, I dont think it could have gone far as its overall condition would best be described as poor, due to years of abuse. There is a chance i bet it on tails, but this is uncertain as my brain decided to go on holiday sometime shortly after sunrise. Any help would be great as i plan to give it another good flogging this coming weekend.

200???!!!!

In the words of Chopper Read regarding the Year 2000 in the extras to his self titled film:

"200???? 2 bloody hundered???!!! You're fucking kidding me aren't you? You're telling me, we're sitting here on a farm, surrounded by chooks, and Jason Gillespie scored 200 runs in a fucking test match. Ohhhh I can't fucking believe this one!!!!"

Yep, unbelievable. I promised you that the last post would be my last spray on the cricket this year, but then Gillespie goes and gets a ridiculous 200 runs in a test match. Such a feat regardless of the opposition cannot go unheralded.

Team drinking sessions are going to be painful now that only Hayden, Ponting and Langer are the only ones in the Australian side with higher best totals.

Keep trying for that century Warney you poor bastard!!!

PDC Vol 4

Gentlemen, PDC Vol 4 is now in circulation, plus a bonus disc of street fights has also been released. The usual rules apply - which means all of you that still have discs in your possession, you have had ample time to copy them and its time to hand them on. If there are any problems please refer to the PDC Material Rules. Once you have checked the rules you will no doubt realise that you are in the wrong and will immeadiately pass the fucking disc on. Thank You

NEEDS to be glassed!!

Well well well, guess who failed AGAIN to show up to the party when the pressure was on? Yep, you guessed it, Damien Fucking Martyn. This gimp continues to cling to his Test spot despite his trademark 'missing in action' trick when playing in a) a match that is still alive, and/or b) in an innings of any importance. And before his fans come out and whinge "But he's got an average of 48", my response is a quick single glass to your face. The only reason his average is at the amazing 48 point something is due to his 'skill' in saving his sorry arse from the sack with meaningless hunderds in dead rubbers. Example number one of his obvious talent in choking in pressure situations, 1994, 10 runs to win the first series against South Africa since their re-introduction to Test cricket and with the tail crumbling around him, guess who plays the worst, most gutless shot in test history to leave poor old Glenn McGrath to look the royal goose in trying to salvage a now impossible win. Examples 2-15 are too far fetched for me to fit into this single segment. Example 16, the Ashes debacle. This cunt not only perfomed dismally, but he didn't even attempt to look like he cared about the situation. If you don't care, fuck off! I know Brad Hodge will gladly take his rightful spot back in the Test side with a MUCH better and more realistic average of 58 from just 4 tests. So, following possibly the biggest and most embarrassing debacle in Australian sporting history (following the oneday loss to Bangla last year, which of course you were heavily involved in Martyn!) evolving before our very eyes currently on the sub continent, its time to again pull out the 5 glasses you copped immediately after the Ashes, and finish the job on your freakingly disturbing face once and for all. Cling cling!!!!!

But before Xmas...the return to ENDOR

As PAWD has rightly pointed out, I have been a non-performer when it comes to supporting higher grades and sinking slops at the office. However, with school holidays approaching my leave passes increase- so I propose a RETURN to ENDOR following the Chatswood games on the 22nd, the perfect lead up to Christmas day. It's time to sort out those bastard Ewoks........

2 weeks til Xmas!

Fire up c*nts!!!

Response of the mighty

Yes it is true that Saints are putrid at the moment, and when the chips are down they go looking for mommy. It can also be said that there is very little heart in the Dragons outfit at the moment. At least their fans turn up to watch their 1st grade side run around(even though they may leave forty minutes later.) Which brings me to the matter of 1 very soft even heartless human being in Deeeeeeeeeeeevine who couldnt even stay around and watch his supposed club play the top 2 grades. You have travelled 1 hour through putrid traffic to get there for 1 hour then go. POOR FORM. Next thing you will get a run on for the Saints

Ladies Beware!!

Not only is this the biggest punter in living history, he is also possibly the biggest predator in the district, when immediately after rugby on Saturday at the ripe old time of 5pm, a fully sober and very toey Sonny Bill kitted up in shirt and tie gabberdeen, to prey upon any unsuspecting and slightly vulnerable ladies at Rydges across the road from Rosehill Gardens. Gentlemen, lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, lock up the back door and run for your life....... who knows where and when this shark will be circling next???

Great call from PAWD

The scene- Petersham Oval
The time- App.2.10 PM, Saturday
The question- "Hey Dixon, how many are your boyfriends gunna get smashed by tonight?"
The prognostication- "They won't smash them- they are always close games with the Knights"
The result- a 54-6 DRUBBING!!!!!!

(PS-I cant BELIEVE I picked those spastics for the comp- I will now go and stand in oncoming traffic)

Such the Grub

Finally......... this germ has reared his ugly head and showed his true colours in public in his attempt to stomp Tigers prop John Skandalis' head off last weekend. Not only did he near succeed in his quest to behead his opponent on Leichaardt Oval in front of many a prying eye and a television camera, but he then ran like a fairy as Skandalis chased Slater halfway across the field, hoping to dislodge this flea's head similar to Makaya Ntini's effort against Justin Langer a few hours earlier in South Africa. Slater and his QC pitifully tried defending his case, however the NRL understandably had other ideas. Enjoy the 7 weeks off, freezing in the cold Melbourne winter weather, you iritating little piece of vermin, who is still incidentally waiting for his balls to drop and voice to finally break at the ripe old age of 23! Good riddance jerk!!